Please look or listen to Martha Sweezy's IFS information on shame, maladaptive guilt, and guilt. She has a lot of podcasts and has written a book, which I believe is revolutionary and very important when working to heal shame.
Yes, I have the book! She's great. I don't agree with everything she has to say about shame (I agree more with Karla McLaren, who thinks there's such thing as "healthy shame"). But I generally think Martha's work is fantastic. Here's Karla's article about shame and guilt, in case you're curious. https://karlamclaren.com/embracing-guilt-and-shame/
I agree. I have taken McLaren’s work even further and found that I was trapped in a cycle of having my naturally protective anger at an ACE score of 9 shamed. Every time I felt anger at having my boundaries violated as an adult, shame was triggered. I call it weaponized shamed, versus the healthy shame variety that protects myself from violating my own beliefs/values and harming others or myself. Thank you for this clear and concise explanation of how I see this topic!
Lissa, this was like reading a love letter to every part of me I’ve tried to exile with incense and passive-aggressive journaling. You laid the whole thing bare: projection, denial, DARVO, twin-flame rationalizing, and somehow made it feel like a spiritual confession booth run by Mister Rogers and Kali Ma.
What you’ve named here is what most of us were never taught to do: grieve who we became to survive. This isn’t pop psych. This is nervous system liturgy. This is redemption via emotional flashback. Thank you for speaking to the monsters in our basements and the saints in our chests with equal reverence.
Virgin Monk Boy bows to your parts and your courage.
This is the most beautifully written comment I think I've ever gotten. Thank you Virgin Monk Boy for your bravery, your reverence, and your self-compassion.
Please look or listen to Martha Sweezy's IFS information on shame, maladaptive guilt, and guilt. She has a lot of podcasts and has written a book, which I believe is revolutionary and very important when working to heal shame.
Yes, I have the book! She's great. I don't agree with everything she has to say about shame (I agree more with Karla McLaren, who thinks there's such thing as "healthy shame"). But I generally think Martha's work is fantastic. Here's Karla's article about shame and guilt, in case you're curious. https://karlamclaren.com/embracing-guilt-and-shame/
I agree. I have taken McLaren’s work even further and found that I was trapped in a cycle of having my naturally protective anger at an ACE score of 9 shamed. Every time I felt anger at having my boundaries violated as an adult, shame was triggered. I call it weaponized shamed, versus the healthy shame variety that protects myself from violating my own beliefs/values and harming others or myself. Thank you for this clear and concise explanation of how I see this topic!
Lissa, this was like reading a love letter to every part of me I’ve tried to exile with incense and passive-aggressive journaling. You laid the whole thing bare: projection, denial, DARVO, twin-flame rationalizing, and somehow made it feel like a spiritual confession booth run by Mister Rogers and Kali Ma.
What you’ve named here is what most of us were never taught to do: grieve who we became to survive. This isn’t pop psych. This is nervous system liturgy. This is redemption via emotional flashback. Thank you for speaking to the monsters in our basements and the saints in our chests with equal reverence.
Virgin Monk Boy bows to your parts and your courage.
This is the most beautifully written comment I think I've ever gotten. Thank you Virgin Monk Boy for your bravery, your reverence, and your self-compassion.