I can see where your therapist is coming from. Though I didn’t realise it at the time (i was just desperate and willing to do anything), I began my journey of connecting with self through journaling. (Recommended by my therapist). Improving my mental strength helped greatly and was timely for finding myself completely disabled by illness. (I had the mental strength to move forward and a connection to self to help navigate how I went about that). It’s only when I look back at these journals that I see the light was always on, just nobody was home. Life has changed a lot since then. The more I’ve connected to self, the more I’ve found my inner voice. Trust has come in time, as has flow, signs, messages, synchronicities, feelings, knowings. But as has been mentioned a few times, so has the deep healing of trauma alongside it all. Life is much easier - freer - now, in balance and full alignment. I learnt in the past year that it doesn’t mean big things don’t happen in life (death, diagnoses, illness) or that I don’t feel pain (physical, mental, emotional). It’s just I don’t suffer as much with it, and a big lesson has been that as humans, we are capable of feeling pain. We hold a lot of fear around it, but we are capable of feeling it. My journey with fear feels separate somehow, yet also runs alongside…. Learning about fear that supports, protects and looks out for me but also the fear that I can learn to let go of. Almost like a befriending of it. Much in the same way I have learnt (the long way) to befriend all parts of myself.
Thanks for the commentary! This is something I’ve been musing on also.
I’ve started tracking the somatic responses of parts, fear and ‘intuition’ and have found that the more I try and figure out a deep ‘knowing’ this is a part that is fearful of trust. And sometimes intuition isn’t always clear. It might be a step ahead but the outcome of the step may not be what the rational mind suspects.
Thanks for writing about this! I have often wondered whether my "little voice" was really intuition or not. Some teachers say that you can tell whether a voice is your intuition because it will feel more neutral, less emotional, not dramatic. But I think I have a post-trauma part that will very calmly steer me away from anything that it regards as dangerous. It is not a loud voice, it comes across as very neutral, and it makes perfect sense. But I find myself wondering afterward if it's intuition or a protector part that I should be questioning. I don't have an answer.
Lately my intuition has felt largely off-line. It'll show up occasionally with a clear Yes or No to something. But I miss the feeling of having some inner guidance. Instead, I am experiencing a lack of direction and a lot of confusion. I do try to pay attention to how my body feels and get in touch with that somatic intuition, but my body seems pretty confused, too.
Such a great topic! I hope you write more about it.
That makes so much sense that you would have a post-traumatic part that might steer you away from any potential danger- and yes, those parts can be sneaky! I'm sorry you're feeling out of touch with your intuition these days. Paying attention to the subtleties of the body seems to be a helpful way to help it come back online- still small gut feelings and such. Thanks for the feedback about writing more about this topic. And good luck finding your way with your inner guidance.
Love this and how you articulate the nuances and complexities, without coming down on one side or the other. It's the yin and yang, masculine and feminine - intuition AND critical reasoning 😊
It’s something I’ve been thinking about lately after an acquaintance blithely said “oh just trust your gut, your body doesn’t lie” and I wanted to say “it’s not that simple”. When you’ve had trauma you can’t just “trust” your gut because it may not even be your gut. It’s hard to discern whether it might actually be an anxious or fearful part that’s being triggered. It’s something I struggle with!
I can see where your therapist is coming from. Though I didn’t realise it at the time (i was just desperate and willing to do anything), I began my journey of connecting with self through journaling. (Recommended by my therapist). Improving my mental strength helped greatly and was timely for finding myself completely disabled by illness. (I had the mental strength to move forward and a connection to self to help navigate how I went about that). It’s only when I look back at these journals that I see the light was always on, just nobody was home. Life has changed a lot since then. The more I’ve connected to self, the more I’ve found my inner voice. Trust has come in time, as has flow, signs, messages, synchronicities, feelings, knowings. But as has been mentioned a few times, so has the deep healing of trauma alongside it all. Life is much easier - freer - now, in balance and full alignment. I learnt in the past year that it doesn’t mean big things don’t happen in life (death, diagnoses, illness) or that I don’t feel pain (physical, mental, emotional). It’s just I don’t suffer as much with it, and a big lesson has been that as humans, we are capable of feeling pain. We hold a lot of fear around it, but we are capable of feeling it. My journey with fear feels separate somehow, yet also runs alongside…. Learning about fear that supports, protects and looks out for me but also the fear that I can learn to let go of. Almost like a befriending of it. Much in the same way I have learnt (the long way) to befriend all parts of myself.
Thanks for the commentary! This is something I’ve been musing on also.
I’ve started tracking the somatic responses of parts, fear and ‘intuition’ and have found that the more I try and figure out a deep ‘knowing’ this is a part that is fearful of trust. And sometimes intuition isn’t always clear. It might be a step ahead but the outcome of the step may not be what the rational mind suspects.
Thanks for writing about this! I have often wondered whether my "little voice" was really intuition or not. Some teachers say that you can tell whether a voice is your intuition because it will feel more neutral, less emotional, not dramatic. But I think I have a post-trauma part that will very calmly steer me away from anything that it regards as dangerous. It is not a loud voice, it comes across as very neutral, and it makes perfect sense. But I find myself wondering afterward if it's intuition or a protector part that I should be questioning. I don't have an answer.
Lately my intuition has felt largely off-line. It'll show up occasionally with a clear Yes or No to something. But I miss the feeling of having some inner guidance. Instead, I am experiencing a lack of direction and a lot of confusion. I do try to pay attention to how my body feels and get in touch with that somatic intuition, but my body seems pretty confused, too.
Such a great topic! I hope you write more about it.
That makes so much sense that you would have a post-traumatic part that might steer you away from any potential danger- and yes, those parts can be sneaky! I'm sorry you're feeling out of touch with your intuition these days. Paying attention to the subtleties of the body seems to be a helpful way to help it come back online- still small gut feelings and such. Thanks for the feedback about writing more about this topic. And good luck finding your way with your inner guidance.
Love this and how you articulate the nuances and complexities, without coming down on one side or the other. It's the yin and yang, masculine and feminine - intuition AND critical reasoning 😊
Thanks for writing about this Lissa!
It’s something I’ve been thinking about lately after an acquaintance blithely said “oh just trust your gut, your body doesn’t lie” and I wanted to say “it’s not that simple”. When you’ve had trauma you can’t just “trust” your gut because it may not even be your gut. It’s hard to discern whether it might actually be an anxious or fearful part that’s being triggered. It’s something I struggle with!