IFS-Informed Boundaries 2.0

A More Relational Way To Negotiate Boundaries Without Being Controlling

In the last few installations of The Boundaries Handbook, we’ve focused on Boundaries 1.0, the basics of boundary setting. Boundaries 1.0 are often needed when you’re dealing with someone high on the narcissism spectrum, someone very controlling who crashes all over your boundaries, or someone who steers away from doing their inner work. Boundaries 1.0 can be a way to get your power back when you’re being overpowered. But those kinds of boundaries can also be controlling. They can turn someone from a doormat into a diva, but then the diva becomes the “one up” power-wise. It’s hard to share power with Boundaries 1.0

But if you’re lucky enough to be relating with someone else who is IFS-informed or someone growth-oriented who can handle trying to share power with you, Boundaries 2.0 is a more advanced kind of boundary setting.

While Non-Violent Communication (NVC) and other communication tools like it can be used for healthy boundary setting, conflict negotiation, and mediation purposes, IFS has the potential to go a level deeper into the territory of shared power and relational intimacy. When the mutual desire is for more closeness, more connection, more trust, and more intimacy, boundary setting, conflict resolution, and negotiation of needs and desires can be a beautiful dance between two people’s internal family systems working in harmony with one another to find creative solutions.

If you have the impulse to initiate a conversation and set a boundary with someone, how might you apply the IFS model to have a Boundaries 2.0 negotiation without one person “one upping” and the other person being forced to either comply with or rebel against the boundary? Try this more advanced boundary setting practice.